So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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