I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
