i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
