I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
