i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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