Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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