we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
