Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
