the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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