so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize