half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
