regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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