all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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