I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
