i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
