Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
