I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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