I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
