I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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