Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
