I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
