Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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