My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
