Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
