make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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