i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
