College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
