it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Be still, my beating vagina.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
