he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
