just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
