I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize