do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
