I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
