So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize