I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
