he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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