Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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