I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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