he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
