please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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