sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
