I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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