some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
