yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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