i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
