and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
