I accidentally had phone sex last night
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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