i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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