I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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