Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
