Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
