I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
