ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize