just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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