yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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