he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
