You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize