he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
