Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
