How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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