I CAN MOONWALK!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I FOUND THE LEGS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize