Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
