when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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