So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
