He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
