I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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