You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
